Says Who??

Posted on October 17, 2012 by Moosejaw Muldoon

I created this blog to run commentary about my creative process, outlets, and the obstacles that conspire to keep my authentic voice a secret from The World. For the past several years, that struggle has mostly revolved around my band, Moosejaw Muldoon, although it has surfaced in multiple aspects of my life.

It is also about the things I spend inordinate amounts of time loving, questioning, or learning about….weird little accumulations of information, pithy quotes and inspiring stories, and painstakingly honest reports as I inch along the path to my true self. Current steps include: vacuuming the dysfunction from between my ears, repairing my relationship with wonder, and fabricating the next glorious phase of my life’s work.

Hi, I’m Cara, and I’ll be your guide through the convoluted tangle of my synapses, as I learn to embrace this wondrous journey.

Come, stay awhile.

There is so much to talk about.

CD Release Party Announced!

Posted on October 7, 2012 by Moosejaw Muldoon

Moosejaw Muldoon will be celebrating the release of their EP Local Honey on Saturday October 27, 2012 at Cool Beans Coffee House in Toms River. The band will be playing songs from the album, and other crowd favorites, and the CD will be available for sale.

This event is absolutely FREE!

Don’t miss the pre-halloween festivities! Come in costume!!!!!

Broken. Open.

Posted on June 19, 2012 by Moosejaw Muldoon

The Omega institute is a magical place. My tent nestled beside a lake, in the upstate New York woods, I made my way with trepidation to the the first day of class. I was about to learn Performance, as a path to Presence.

I was nervously early, and was greeted warmly upon entering. However, until more people arrived, I made my way to the perimeter of the room, and picked a book off the library shelves. I sat aloof in the corner, gathering information.

Five days later I had 14 new best friends, and I had performed in my first ever theatrical musical, in front of a substantial audience. Looking back, it seems so surreal. I performed a vulnerable piece, one I had written, without the security blanket of my guitar. The next day, as I was leaving, a woman stopped me and asked if I’d ever considered writing for theater. Seriously? No, I responded, I hadn’t. EVER. She gave me her card.

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Deals with the Devil Inside (Grief, pt.3)

Posted on June 12, 2012 by Moosejaw Muldoon

I admit, I used this title solely to reference an INXS song. Ah, Michael Hutchense in the 80s. But back to grieving my lost identity. According to the Kubler-Ross model, after the fury subsides, desperation kicks in. Can I fix this? Can I stop this eventuality before it becomes real? What could I have done differently?

This was not a discreet stage for me. Maybe because of the constant flurry of activity in my mind, my natural cycle of brain activity, I just bargained on a parallel mind track. Every so often, seemingly out of nowhere, a voice would tap my story on the shoulder to ask, ”Do you think, maybe, you should’ve worked harder on your personal statement?”, or, ”Could you have filed for a re-vote after your delayed grant project finished, so it would be included?”

I struggled with things I could’ve done differently, moments I could have given just a drop more…should I have initiated an appeal? I had a decent case, but I was so tapped out I couldn’t spend another second fighting for votes in the wake of such an unceremonious rejection. At one point, I was beseeching my bewildered department chair for advice on pursuing a Ph.D. Really? Was I clinging that desperately to my identity as an academic?

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Anger as Motivation, or, Grief pt. 2

Posted on June 4, 2012 by Moosejaw Muldoon

This post returns us to the story of the past year of my life. After the initial shock and denial over being refused tenure, I became very, very angry. My new friend Righteous Indignation took aim at the Dean who voted down my packet, my department chair for going on sabbatical before I finished the process, and my senior colleague for putting his promotion packet in at the same time as mine. Next, we roasted the corporate University model, the Governor for the his budget cuts that pushed my grants back, the politics of the administration, and the entire model of Land Grant University System for not being able to keep up with societal changes.

I defended myself, my decisions, and my work to anyone who would listen. I was venomously sarcastic, and somewhat less than attentive to my regular duties. Now, I was happy to tell everyone that I lost my job – “Can you BELIEVE what they did to me? After all I ‘ve given in the past 6 years?” My indignation trampled right over my initial denial and embarrasment. No one needed microexpression training to tell how I was feeling. Over and over, I was told it was their loss. That I’d find something better. And I was reminded that I really didn’t even like the job all that much… which brought up another fiery furnace of fury.

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Ain’t it the truth?

Posted on May 31, 2012 by Moosejaw Muldoon

So another highlight of Bamboozle was meeting one of my Jersey Band Heroes….again. Dramarama put on a great show, and John Easdale walked up and down the aisles after the show, engaging with the fans. He even stopped for several photos, including one with 2/3 of Moosejaw Muldoon. Gracious does not even begin to describe his demeanor.

I first met John Easdale at Surf Stock, when Matt Pinfield was still at 106.3 (WHTG), and 106.3 was still a real radio station. He was leaning against the bar at the Surf Club, and I still wasn’t quite old enough to drink. After bestowing some awkward, yet devoted praise upon him, he charismatically played down the compliment. I followed with “Well, you’re a better guitarist than I am”. He replied, ”Then you aren’t practicing enough”.

Turns out, he was right. Within a few years, I could play and sing just about any Dramarama song. I thought of that while we were talking, and resolved to put at least one cover in our set. Perhaps meeting him again was a reminder that I needed right now, poised on the cusp of major changes in all areas of my life. Living is to keep practicing. Who’s to say it ain’t takin me too far?

By the by, the spirit of WHTG lives on at Altrok.com, and as an HD2 stream on WBJB 90.5 Brookdale Public Radio. Universe save the radio.

photo by Jen Wolny

Utterly Bamboozled.

Posted on May 22, 2012 by Moosejaw Muldoon

Bamboozle Logo

I’m still tired. I thought we took it fairly easy, showing up around 4, staying until the fireworks. Of course the foot, train, and car traffic added some time to our commutes. Overall, it wasn’t the most amazing festival I’ve ever attended, but it was well handled, a boon for Asbury, and there was some great live music. Oh, and it was on the beach in my favorite NJ city. Can’t beat that. If I had to summarize, I’d say:

Go see the Foo Fighters live. Seriously worth the entire ticket price. The most mindblowingly amazing two hours of the festival.
Festivals inspire great cover choices: the Foo’s paid tribute to Pink Floyd and Tom Petty, Brand New did Nine Inch Nails, the Gaslight Anthem covered Teenage Wasteland… and those were just my personal favorites.
I’m all for DIY, but a show is not a kid with a laptop. Dramarama, the Foo Fighters, Bon Jovi, Brand New, and the Gaslight Anthem all proved live rock is not dead – and they all appeared to be having a blast playing.
Local Bands have more heart: Dramarama, the Gaslight Anthem, and Bon Jovi all talked about Asbury, and how great it was to see it re-emerge as the soul of NJ.

Until next show, we return you our regular programming. Check the vids on YouTube-all the cool kids capture and post their memories these days.

Tribes

Aside

The summer sun got up early, and so did I. I should still be asleep, after a late night train ride home from Bamboozle. I can’t say I was in it for the music last night, but it was totally worth hanging out on the beach with old friends, getting free swag, and taking in the spectacle.

I’m more excited about seeing the Foo Fighters tonight. And of course, spending a beautiful day on the beach. Something about a music festival draws me in, even when it doesn’t really reflect my musical tastes. I enjoy watching the way music brings people together. Whether or not I personally was entranced by Skrillex, it was fascinating to watch a crowd that was totally into what he does, the same way I will be at the Afghan Whigs reunion show in Asbury this fall. The same way I’ve been at so many shows in my life, part of a tribe, a community of some kind, brought together for a common purpose.

I am sure I will have more to say about that after the entire festival. And I’m sure Ill have more to say about being a part of this community, although we seem, upon first reflection, to be fairly different. Maybe that’s all part of the magic.

Rock (Rock)

Posted on May 8, 2012 by Moosejaw Muldoon

I’m still kind of speechless. Speechless in the way that whenever you try to explain how unbelievably significant something is, it comes out in jumbled cliched phrases of amazement. ”Wow. That totally rocked ” is a total undersell, but its the best my stunted words can muster.

I’m talking about Amy Ray, the punk influenced Indigo Girl, who I lost track of for a hot sec, and who just played Asbury Park in support of her new album, Lung of Love. With Kaia Wilson opening the show, it was not something to be missed, and so there was a highly anticipated ‘band bonding field trip’ to the show.

Turns out, rocker Ray is still utilizing Kaia and the other two members of the Butchies as her road band, a fact which made me exclaim “SHUT UP” loudly as Allison Martlew walked past me and onto the stage. She smiled. *I blushed.* If you want to know what it sounds like, the MVP CD carries the energy of the live show. I’ve been listening to it on repeat, from every device that I own, for weeks now.

This show was groundbreaking for me, the same way it was at Gaby and Mo’s in Austin eleven years ago watching them cover Tom Petty’s “Refugee”. Something broke open – again. It reminded me 1. The ability to rock is not age-defined 2. The benefits of doing what you love cannot be overstated, and 3. This needs to be a part of my life’s work. somehow. someway. HAS TO.

By the time they played “Put it out for Good” I was ablaze with possibility, tranced out to several of my girlrock heroines and believing there was nowhere anyone in the jampacked Saint would rather be at that moment. If they’re playing your town and you miss rock n’ roll, there is nowhere else you should be either.

photo by wfuv (Laura Fedele)

Epic failure, denial, and isolation.

Posted on April 30, 2012 by Moosejaw Muldoon

My career path has been somewhat haphazard and serendipitous, in that large changes have been instigated by random clicks on web pages about cities I’d never visited. In 2004, when I landed a tenure-track academic position with a university in the top 100 of The Higher Education World University rankings, I honestly didn’t think much of it. It sounded like a great opportunity.

Six years later, I was denied tenure at an upper level of the fantastical process of flaming-hoop-jumping while knife-juggling, in a manner similar to any reality show competition. Long story short, the Dean didn’t buy my design for his stores, and the A&P committee was hoping for a more faithful rendition of the pop-star-of-the-week tribute. I was voted off the island.

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