Tribes

Aside

The summer sun got up early, and so did I. I should still be asleep, after a late night train ride home from Bamboozle. I can’t say I was in it for the music last night, but it was totally worth hanging out on the beach with old friends, getting free swag, and taking in the spectacle.

I’m more excited about seeing the Foo Fighters tonight. And of course, spending a beautiful day on the beach. Something about a music festival draws me in, even when it doesn’t really reflect my musical tastes. I enjoy watching the way music brings people together. Whether or not I personally was entranced by Skrillex, it was fascinating to watch a crowd that was totally into what he does, the same way I will be at the Afghan Whigs reunion show in Asbury this fall. The same way I’ve been at so many shows in my life, part of a tribe, a community of some kind, brought together for a common purpose.

I am sure I will have more to say about that after the entire festival. And I’m sure Ill have more to say about being a part of this community, although we seem, upon first reflection, to be fairly different. Maybe that’s all part of the magic.

Rock (Rock)

Posted on May 8, 2012 by Moosejaw Muldoon

I’m still kind of speechless. Speechless in the way that whenever you try to explain how unbelievably significant something is, it comes out in jumbled cliched phrases of amazement. ”Wow. That totally rocked ” is a total undersell, but its the best my stunted words can muster.

I’m talking about Amy Ray, the punk influenced Indigo Girl, who I lost track of for a hot sec, and who just played Asbury Park in support of her new album, Lung of Love. With Kaia Wilson opening the show, it was not something to be missed, and so there was a highly anticipated ‘band bonding field trip’ to the show.

Turns out, rocker Ray is still utilizing Kaia and the other two members of the Butchies as her road band, a fact which made me exclaim “SHUT UP” loudly as Allison Martlew walked past me and onto the stage. She smiled. *I blushed.* If you want to know what it sounds like, the MVP CD carries the energy of the live show. I’ve been listening to it on repeat, from every device that I own, for weeks now.

This show was groundbreaking for me, the same way it was at Gaby and Mo’s in Austin eleven years ago watching them cover Tom Petty’s “Refugee”. Something broke open – again. It reminded me 1. The ability to rock is not age-defined 2. The benefits of doing what you love cannot be overstated, and 3. This needs to be a part of my life’s work. somehow. someway. HAS TO.

By the time they played “Put it out for Good” I was ablaze with possibility, tranced out to several of my girlrock heroines and believing there was nowhere anyone in the jampacked Saint would rather be at that moment. If they’re playing your town and you miss rock n’ roll, there is nowhere else you should be either.

photo by wfuv (Laura Fedele)

Epic failure, denial, and isolation.

Posted on April 30, 2012 by Moosejaw Muldoon

My career path has been somewhat haphazard and serendipitous, in that large changes have been instigated by random clicks on web pages about cities I’d never visited. In 2004, when I landed a tenure-track academic position with a university in the top 100 of The Higher Education World University rankings, I honestly didn’t think much of it. It sounded like a great opportunity.

Six years later, I was denied tenure at an upper level of the fantastical process of flaming-hoop-jumping while knife-juggling, in a manner similar to any reality show competition. Long story short, the Dean didn’t buy my design for his stores, and the A&P committee was hoping for a more faithful rendition of the pop-star-of-the-week tribute. I was voted off the island.

Continue reading →

My green leaves spread…

Posted on April 25, 2012 by Moosejaw Muldoon

In 1998(ish), in the midst of a metaphorical AND literal watershed experience, I wrote a poem using my science background to provide images that best described my journey. I called upon a mentor of mine, and one of his favorite phrases.

Circinate vernation is the process by which fern fronds unfurl themselves into the world. They appear tightly clenched, curled over, and are sometimes called “fiddleheads” for their similarity to the headstock of a string instrument. As the weather warms, they slowly unroll back and up into the sky as the fern you recognize. Thank you Jack Holt, for that and so much more.

I am going through that very same process, all over again. I’ve been dormant for the winter, and have popped up through the cold soil, letting the sun coax me into spreading my leaves and standing up tall.

Continue reading →

And never the twain shall meet…

Posted on November 11, 2011 by Cara

Files for personalities

Photo adapted from chiotsrun

It may seem like things have been quiet around here, but nothing could be farther from the truth. I’ve been keeping very busy, learning and growing, and continuing to find my place in this world. Part of me has been yearning to share all of the things on my mind, but every time I’ve tried, my fingers and brain have stuttered and frozen. Perhaps I can start with a story.

A colleague of mine recently shared some solicited constructive criticism regarding my dedication to my profession. He intimated that I was a little too excited to take in some local live music rather than continuing to network with peers after spending several ten hour days with them at a professional conference. I then realized that academia and I are not as compatible as I had previously thought.

Continue reading →

On being human.

Posted on October 20, 2011 by Cara

I had just listened, twice, to this podcast – a dharma talk on impermanence and letting go. I felt comfortable, confident even, that accepting impermanence was the answer. Obviously, if we could all just accept that things always change, we would stop being so affected and hurt by the changes. Clinging to things, wishing they would always stay the same, is the source of so much of our suffering. As Pema Chodron said:

That nothing is static or fixed, that all is fleeting and impermanent, is the first mark of existence. It is the ordinary state of affairs. Everything is in process. Everything—every tree, every blade of grass, all the animals, insects, human beings, buildings, the animate and the inanimate—is always changing, moment to moment.

Om, I was feeling so enlightened.

Then I walked into the office, checked my mail, and read a short message from a coworker whose husband had passed a few days before. It opened, “It is with great sadness that I share the passing of my best friend, the love of my life…”. I was brought to tears, instantly, in my office hallway. So much for enlightenment. Who was I to tell this woman that everything was impermanent – that this was bound to happen, that we all die?

Continue reading →

Feeling good. Feeling bad.

Posted on September 27, 2011 by Cara

As I write this post, in the calm following the storm of physical overexertion, I cannot get this Bert and Ernie Song out of my head. It was on my top 5 list in the mid 70s, and seems to be stored in my permanent archives.

It’s 4am, post decongestants, ibuprofen, electrolytes, and a short nap. I’m ready to take on the world. A few short hours ago, this was SO not the case. Here’s how it went down:

7pm – last minute hydration, decongestant in preparation. nervous, but good.
8pm – game. hot. thirsty. sucking wind. having fun.
9pm – endorphin high. feeling incredible, and happy.
10pm – hint of a headache. forced hydration, with electrolytes.
11pm – ibuprofen. electrolytes. pounding exertion headache, nausea. whimpering.
12pm – begging any and all deities for mercy. berating myself for being out of shape.
1pm – finally, falling asleep as treatments kick in…
4am – sinuses clear, wide awake, feeling superhuman by comparison.

So, there it is. I could have prepared better. I could be in better shape. Playing with a developing sinus infection – probably not the best idea. It was the first game of the season, and we had no subs. Put that all on the list, we’ll talk about it later.

Continue reading →

Growing Bliss

Posted on September 16, 2011 by Cara

I’ve been struggling these past few years… to get up in the morning, to be productive at work, to love my job. It has affected my overall outlook, my energy levels, my health. And now, faced with a forced job change in the coming months, I have been doing some very hard work, trying to align my skills, my values, and my passions. I want to believe that I can be excited about work again… I want to feel like my best friend’s child, who upon starting kindergarten, remarked incredulously, ” …and GUESS WHAT? I get to GO BACK tomorrow!”.

Now, I consider myself lucky woman – I have had steady, well paying work, serving the common good for the past seven years. I’ve told myself, time and time again, “Who am I to complain, especially in this economy?” Not everyone gets to be an astronaut, right? Who am I to deserve loving going to work every day?

Well the other way to look at it is, if I love the work that I am doing, I am doing the highest good I can in this world. I have unique strengths that, when applied with enthusiastic motivation, make me particularly suited to do certain things exceptionally well. And maybe, I’ve been biding time in someone else’s work all this time, doing a decent job, when they could do something amazing.

I envision this internal discussion continuing for some time. All I know is that I helped a colleague put together a video for the Gardens for Good Grant Project over Labor Day Weekend. I composed original music, put together a slide show, recorded narration, mixed and engineered it all together. For free, during my time off. In less than two days. I worked on it ceaselessly, and am generally pleased with how it came out. I am also very glad that they are getting lots of votes, and hope the video helps them fund their community garden.

The Mercy Garden Video

Interesting how my values, my skills, and my interests all came together on this one. Amazing how I didn’t notice the time pass. Hmmm…might be onto something here.

(If you are interested, you can vote for this project once per day this September under Louise Wootton’s Idea from the Nature’s Path website, or their Facebook page. The top 5 ideas will be considered for funding. I won’t ask again. Promise. )

*Photo by Rich Mohr

Recycling Day.

Posted on September 12, 2011 by Cara

I just dragged my recycling bin out to the curb. It was heavy, overflowing – like 32 gallon trash can heavy. I probably haven’t taken it out in a month.

Why, you ask?

Because Recycling Day is Monday. Monday MORNING. In the sense of, truck arrives at house and wakes me up, after I’ve already slept through my alarm, morning.

Truth be known, though I love my life, I am not, nor have I ever been a “eyes spring open, jump out of bed, and seize the day” kind of girl. I am a snoozer. A repeat offender, even. Then, I am a stumble out of bed, bleary eyed, towards caffeine and a shower, in that order, kind of girl. Always have been.

Can’t help it. I’m a night owl. I’m prone to manic bouts of creativity that keep me wide eyed, frantically working as the sun peeks up in the pink sky, while most people are still dreaming of tomorrow. Or I read, and then become so engrossed in my reading, I fight to stay awake as my eyelids droop and my vision blurs, rather than succumbing to sleep, which may have even been the general intention. Continue reading →

Manic Creativity

Posted on September 8, 2011 by Cara

It must be something in the air, or maybe it’s the moon. I’ve been crazy creative lately. Stay up all night an work on something, take a nap, and then continue working, kind of creative. Until you aren’t sure if the sun is rising or setting, because you’ve been so completley absorbed.

First, there was the website overhaul, then a video for colleagues competing for a grant. It’s not even one of my own projects. I’ve always enjoyed the rush of deadlines, but I have to wonder why I was so happy pulling together this project for them, when I can’t seem to muster the same enthusiasm for my own job. Perhaps because part of it was about creating original music and audio engineering? Perhaps because I’m just completely burned out at work. Either way, I think an answer is crucial as I work on my career reinvention.

Whatever is spurring this manic creativity, I hope it sticks around for awhile. It’s not exactly balanced, but it makes me feel truly alive.

Watch the video on my YouTube Channel: Mercy Garden Project

And if you’d like, Vote for “Louise Wooton’s Idea” from Gardens for Good on Facebook or the Nature’s Path website. You can vote once per day until September 30th.

moosejawmuldoon.com

Music. Creativity. Compassion.

Tribes

Aside

Rock (Rock)

Epic failure, denial, and isolation.

My green leaves spread…

And never the twain shall meet…

On being human.

Feeling good. Feeling bad.

Growing Bliss

Recycling Day.

Manic Creativity